aLeXxXa

as a first born, having 3 younger brothers, i’m expected to  become the ideal role model for my brothers, someone they can look up to..

as the only girl, living in a male dominated world and being closest to my dad, i’m expected to be multi purpose, being able to do a "boy" chore becomes mandatory..

as a daughter, i’m expected to fulfill my parents dreams become that person who can present herself oh so fabulously, finally becoming a copy cat, a mini me diplomat in my very own way..

growing up to be a young woman, i’m being taught of the word "responsibility" not by theory, by acting it out..they handed me a house and two college boys to take care of..

as a law student, i’m expected to graduate by the typical 4 years plan, but i failed so i’ll try to graduate by the untypical 4.5 years plan..

as the responsible young adult i’m suppose to become, i’m managing the parentals orders overseas, pull my life together and take care of another..

in reverse..

as a first born, from my point of view there are only two options: you become the bossy one or "the maid", i chose the bossy role..why? first born, first ruler

as the only girl, i’ve had thing done my way because i can..

as a daughter, a child, i don’t let my age number 22 define my psychological well being, 22 means i must act like an adult, but as aleksandra mouskovita pohan i’m actually a needy person, spoiled of some sort, i may look tough but im actually mush inside..

being a young woman, there were stages of life that i’d wish i’d gone thru in a more gentler manner but those are life hard valuable lessons..i appreciate each one..

as a law student, i finally figured out that law is not for me, for someone else maybe..but referring to point "young woman" i’m gonna finish up (like i have any other option) why? because i dont feel like wasting a 4+ years period on something that i didn’t get a degree on..heck that title will look good on a face, paper, you name it, it looks good i’m telling u!!

as becoming the responsible young adult, i sometimes feel tired, i sometimes  just want to be the burden child that parents have, i sometimes wanna do what i really wanna do, i too sometimes want a life on my own..

hence the aleksandra you have today: you put her in a law school, she ends up wanting to go to a culinary school instead

what is expected of you?

today was a rude awakening morning..
i woke up at 6ish because of a mosquito buzzzzzing in my ear, went back to sleep, and then tumben2nya ada topeng monyet lewat..
i put a pillow on top of my head and went back to sleep until 1 PM (it’s sunday i can wake up as late as i want haha)
forced both of my bros to temenin me to shop baking supplies and jalan2 di mall..
we went to titan kelapa gading & carrefournya, then straight to mall kelapa gading..
i promised my bro that we’d take him to buy games for his PS..
so we went around the mall and the game place that i remember sekarang udah berubah menjadi PERIPLUS hahaha, *ternyata pindah ke sebrang mkgnya hoho*
i havent been in mkg since a while, pdhl ga jauh2 amat dari rumah..
so i was excited to know diamond dirubah menjadi farmer’s market..
berhubung lambangnya mirip banget sama ranch market i was excited, i have this thing of browsing the isles of supermarket bule (supermarket yg menjual produk2 luar) just for the sake of ooohhhss and ahhhhs pdhl ga dibeli juga hehe..
pas ke farmer’s market definitely not what i expected deh jadi intinya farmer’s market bukan ranch market..
ngibrit ke sogo food hall hmmm keliling2 cuman beli brown sugar hahaha
ate di burger king, trus tertarik ngeliat2 di paperclip yg BESAR skali disebrang..
eh nemu meja kecil warna biru (im obsessed with the color blue, my obsession is so deep sampe well just take a look in my room) yg bisa dilipet2, since ive been a very good gurl this month (secara baru tgl 13) i havent spent my allowance of anything yet selain pulsa..
so i bought it
went home, and started baking chocolate kuadrat chip muffins..
yesterday i made the nigella’s one, trus rasa coklatnya kurang nendang gitu..
so i searched the web, found a recipe from mr. breakfast sama di allrecipe, resep muffin yg ngomentarin byk bgt and i guess it must have been a favorite cuz the rating was pretty high..
there’s a first in everything khan?
well this is my very first time creating my own recipe of chocolate chocolate chip muffins, my combined sources are nigella, mr. breakfast sama allrecipe haha
using my freshly bought muffin paper cup pas ngisi agak ragu, hmmmm kelebihan ga ya kurang ga ya..
akhirnya sok tauuu deh ngisi 3/4nya pake ditambah2in lagi abis sayang masih ada sisa..
i watched it like a hawk for the next 20 mins..
and then it happened, menit ke 10 my muffins started oooozing out *maybe i should name my recipe oozing muffin and then see if people like it haha*
i called my bro and he’s like EWWWWWW, kak u should’ve put green slime in it so i’d ooze like puss *bagus bener deskripsi lo dek!*
ya udah lah yah pasrah mau diapain lagi..
so i just stood there for the remaining 10 mins, trus bunyi *ting* asyik mateng..
cleaned the oozing part of most muffins which unfortunately looks turdlike (WEK!) and finally had a taste of my muffin..
ENAK KOK
so i guess i made oozing muffins itu karena i over filled it..
terngiang kata2 "sok tau kamu kayak REFAN" - said by heikhal oh so many times..
(to refani anwar, sorry but kata sok tau and your name goes together)

i don’t know why growing up, maturing is such a hard process..
what i know is that maturing, becoming an adult takes all of your innocence away..
have you ever seen two lil kids who were just introduced and the next thing u know they’re playing around, getting along (finally fighting at the end and then making up) like they’re best friends, like they’ve known each other forever?
thats because they trust each other so much, up until one becomes annoying though haha..
but being a grown up, at least acting like one doesn’t even allow trust to build at first glance..
its like you have to build a shield for yourself first and open yourself later when the other person is willing to do the same..
relating to another human being becomes amazingly hard growing up..
actually finding people whom you can trust and people who will comfort you when you’re down becomes a rarity..
people who i’ve known my quite sometime ended up being a total stranger..
people who i’ve shared thoughts, feelings, emotions ended up being a mean person..
but those people whom i’ve had good moments with, unfortunately can’t share on a daily basis ended up being  the rocks of my life because i guess they’re the ones who earned the title FRIEND..

last saturday my bf and i decided to take an impulsive trip..
after getting my hpv shot in rspp *huuuuu now its a bruise mark*, we decided to eat something remembering it was 11ish and neither of us had a proper meal starting the day..
and suddenly i dunno what hits him, he decided to crave the siomay in BOGOR..
so there we took a lil road trip, stopped at the nearest gas station to fill up gas and buy snacks..
it was jam packed EVERYWHERE, even on the highway..
not as much as a shock remembering it is saturday and school’s vacay hasn’t been over yet..

we finally got there at 3ish..
circling around kebun raya bogor, the traffic in bogor was a b*tch also..
and suddenly he talked about ‘it’ (people with dirty minds, its not sex okay, now go get some life injected in you)
steps we’re gonna take, like an official commitment..
it was awkward hmm, ammm, emmm but we  made it thru the whole discussion..
the siomay of course udah habis lahhhhhh, lo pikir abang2nya ngetekin apa??haha..
i ate the soto mie and he ate the mie ayam..
but after tasting the kuah of my soto mie, he decided he wanted one as well..
hence the big ass STOMACH..
i made a run to the bathroom since i suck at holding my pee, my record is max 45 mins and winter conditions apply *cuman bisa 15 mins kalo winter haha*

my bf has been crazy looking around tukang ngisi zippo, so we looked in the nearest mall which is botanical square..
im sorry for all ipb-ers but that mall is weird, the parking concept is out of this world
pas masuk lagi ada acara idol pas bagian closing..
so we ended up chilling at my fave coffee spot - ah STARBUCKS..
called hisbul to come and chill with us..

after that we went back to jkt, it was 6ish and the nearest carrefour to be found was the one in cempaka putih (bukan yg di itc cemas ya!)
went shopping blablabla, took those groceries home..
and we got hungry, tiba2 kepikiran abis baca buku Divortiare yg mention nasgor jalan sabang..
so we went to jalan sabang, parkir di sarinah..
ate nasgor kambing, which was ok std nasgor tektek lah but overly priced ya people!!

he took me home and he went home at 10ish..

the next day it was almost impossible to wake up, man im chomped..   

i went through every loop, every hysteria, every freggin turn for God’s sake..

i jumped, skipped, ran, every action necessary i did..

for i am not perfect, never will be, didn’t strive to be..

i made my share of mistakes, never intending to justify any means of my action..

each pain, left a bump, a mark, a scratch, a bruise..

never healing, left alone, bleeding until it stops..

and suddenly i see that its not me, it was never me..

i took the beating but now i repel it..

enough of being a sadomasochist, im loving myself..

the experience that i have, every inch of the curve in my body, the dry taut feeling on my hands made me who i am..

lovable and deserved to be love..

once upon a time there was an impulsive shopper/princess named Sandra..
she’s had a 7610 for the longest time she could remember so she got REALLY bored of it..
and so she flipped thru newspapers to find THE PERFECT FLIP PHONE..
and she looked everywhere, squinted her eyes so hard and finally she decided on a SE Z610..
on the day she was going to sell the 7610, she looked at it once more..and REALIZED this phone meant A LOT to her, it was her father’s gift for she can enter her dream LAW SCHOOL..
so being the impulsive person that she is she decided not to sell it..
she went with her boyfriend/gorilla to a place in KUNINGAN, and they walked around, bargained everywhere, it was bloody and sweaty HAHAHA..
and then came another option a V3x..!!
THOSE WHO KNOWS GEMINIS ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO GIVE THEM OPTIONS..!!
poor princess sandra cant make up her mind now between v3x and z610, and her gorila was getting impatient with her constant back and fourth between z610 and V3x..
she called her trustworthy tech freak friend and he reassured her to go for a z610..
but when she looked at the V3x a satan whispered into her ears and made it all she can ever think of..
not even a z610 can compare..
she knew she was doing wrong but she didnt listen, and she bought the v3x..
after a long tiring day, they stopped for ice cream in Ragusa, for some weird apparent reasons all the people over there seems to have PMS..
so they got pissed and decided to take the ice cream to go..
EVEN THE ICE CREAM DIDNT TASTE AS GOOD AS IT SHOULD..!!
then they went home,,Sandra finally got the chance to tear the v3x apart, she tried every feature, EVERYTHING..
and it HIT her, her 7610 might be old but its loyal and her 7610 knows her needs better than this v3x..
she was embarrassed to her cheeks, for she felt that its like cheating on a spouse for  an under grade (reverse of an upgrade xP)
turns out she’s just too emotionally bonded with this 7610, she wont sell it until she finds one who is as good as 7610..
she realizes something too for all this time she’s wanted a 7390 but didnt wait to save up a couple more bucks for it..FOR SHE IS AN IMPULSIVE SHOPPER..
so she’s trying to make things right, she will sell the v3x and 7610 for the 7390 =)

MORAL OF THE STORY:
1. Don’t be an impulsive shopper
2. Listen to what an expert have to say
3. If you don’t want it that bad don’t buy it
4. Don’t cheat on your spouse for an under grade HAHA..!!

i never thought im the kind of person who runs away..

especially from what im feeling..

but lately i hated being home all day, ive always wanted to get out even for 1 hour out of the house will do me good..

and that is sooo not me cuz ive always enjoyed staying in mi room doing nutting, just nyampah all day..

i also realized ive been coming hum from campus at 8-9ish at nite..

i mean i dunt have classes that late, mi latest class ends at 5PM and thats only on fridays..

id rather spend mi time somewhere else but hum, anywhere but hum..

today was the same, i actually could go home at 5PM but i decided to stay at anggi’s watching HERCULES in disney’s channel until 8PM..

during the ride hum in the bajaj, i started crying silently..

not knowing the reason why, the abang must be confused cuz he kept looking at the mirror back and forth hehe..

it hit me, in anggi’s house is where the family warmth is mostly felt from alla mi friends house..

there was an ibu and an ayah, mi house didnt have that..

so i guess i missed having them in here, i dunno why..

i thought im over this feeling, is it because i just got mi period?

and am crying as im writing this *ugh*

boleh mati ga??

saiia ingin mati saja..

tugas begitu banyak menumpuk..

PK 666 pula (h. int’l-red) huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..

tau gini sulitnya mencapai 144 sks pake ngambil hukum internasional, gw minta kawin aja dari kemaren2..

tapi sama sapa? haha tolol lo san..

so on monday i have kapsel hpi, tugas kambingnya adalah membuat mini skripsi (u know usually mini means little yang cute gt, but in this is case it’s not even close to the word cute)

and being the already stupid person that i am i picked the topic KARAHA BODAS dikaitkan dengan ketertiban umum..

ketertiban umum si i have no probs, udah nemu buku2nya..

nah KARAHA BODAS casenya aaaaaaaaaaa banyaknya di internet dan kurang greget jugaaa..

trus kamis i have pradip (praktek DIPLOMASI-red) akhirnya kemaren ada yang ngajar Mrs. Karen Mills, arbitrator int’l gitu..

and u know what the tugas issss? SIMULASI ARBITRASE INTERNASIONAL..

haduuu mana gw and ncill decided to stick together so we’re in a team against fitria dan dimas *panik attack secara fitria lomba sana sini internasional pula*

untungnya aji babe pintar-baik-charming-all-the-good-dech decided to be on our team jadi yaa ga bakal dibantai2 amat laaa..

trus paitttnyaaa disuruh bikin MEMORIAL *hoek hoek hoek* good thing that’s due around the end of april..

si mini skripsi is due awal april *mati aja lo san* and this monday i have to give it the outline plus the daftar pustaka..

hmm trus tugas2 yang laen yaaa banyak (materinya) but i can still hold it down..

and i also decided to do this other thing, haha alhamdulillah 6 of mi friends and 2 of the guys got it too..

whoever is reading this will probably be very confused hehe..

but this thing is like the constant plate that’s being shoved to mi face but i never decided to give it a taste..

now im praying hoping that not only will i have the strength to pick up mi hand and try to reach the plate..

but also take whatever is in that plate and taste it..

im only half way in but im glad people have been supporting me ^.^

help me to keep me going DEAR  GOD..

I HAD ENOUGH TAKING CARE OF THE MIDDLE KID..

DASAR SYDROME MIDDLE KID, UGH MATI AJA LOOOOOOO..

MAKAN ATI GW NGEHANDLE ELOOOOO..

looking at mi bro’s baby pic..

whoa i realized he’s growing up too fast..

there’s no more baby fat, no more "roundness", no more baby smell..

i missed the times when i would hurry from skewl just to go home..

washing mi face, mi hands then changing mi clothes..

then i’d pick him up delicately and bring him to mi room..

he was mi love at first sight, i loved him ever since i saw him in the hospital, with his very mancung nose and all, tp skrg kok malah pesek ya dek?

he was sooooo little and delicate and HARUM..

every lil thing that he does was cute, even his coo-ing was awefully cute ahaha..

we’d study buat SPMB together hehe..

he was such a great study partner, nevertheless at that time mi life was never stressful..

i taught him how to stand up, he taught me to be more tolerant..

then times went by he started to gratakin mi stuff, i had to move mi printilan2 in a higher shelf..

when he learned the beauty of drawing, he started drawing mi walls, the living room and practically everywhere there’s a naked wall ehehe..

the whole house was full of his voice, this baby has a megablast type of voice..

now he’s finally going to pre-K, soon he’ll be introducing me to his girlfriend..

haha i sound more like his mom than his sis, this is beyond gay ehehe..

im not ready to see him grow up..

i want him to stay little xP